Friday, July 29, 2011

Sometimes The World Seems Out of Focus

"There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go". ~ Author Unknown
This is a post my head knew I would have to write someday, but my heart hoped that day would never come.
It is hard to say the words, or type the words, or make sense of the words or even really believe the words in that most real sense of believing.
It wasn't supposed to be this way... this cannot be happening.... but, I see the sadness in my Dad's eyes and it is real.
Our mother, Nyssa's grandmother and Dad's beloved wife of 60 years, passed away on Monday, July 18th, 2011.

"Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break." ~ William Shakespeare
There was a fall, a small fracture in the hip and a three day stay in the hospital for pain control with plans to move to a rehab facility. But the delicate balance keeping her myriad of health problems in check was overwhelmed and one by one, small problems became bigger problems and interventions simply did not work. Three days turned into four and four to seven. To say the end was "sudden" is a cliche... death is always sudden even when expected. Her final struggle was short and now our struggle to live without her has begun.

"And the ransomed of the Lord shall return, and come to Zion with songs and everlasting joy upon their heads: they shall obtain joy and gladness, and sorrow and sighing shall flee away." ~ Isaiah 35:10
Mom was a woman of faith and that brings great peace, with the promise that we will see and be with her again. Right now, the world seems out of focus, but comfort comes in remembering.... funny stories of events past... first dates and blossoming love.... the kind words of those whose lives she touched...and knowing that her pain is gone, she has been restored to full health and rejoices with the hosts of heaven.

We sang this hymn to close her funeral service of worship and it captures the essence of what I believe.

What a Day That Will Be

There is coming a day,
When no heart aches shall come,
No more clouds in the sky,
No more tears to dim the eye,
All is peace forever more,
On that happy golden shore,
What a day, glorious day that will be.

There'll be no sorrow there,
No more burdens to bear,
No more sickness, no pain,
No more parting over there;
And forever I will be,
With the One who died for me,
What a day, glorious day that will be.

What a day that will be,
When my Jesus I shall see,
And I look upon His face,
The One who saved me by His grace;
When He takes me by the hand,
And leads me through the Promised Land,
What a day, glorious day that will be,

~ Jim Hill, Words and Music

(end of post)


Beverly said...

Oh, I am so sorry for your family's loss.  You have been on my mind, and I almost called you today to see if something was wrong.  That is a wonderful song.  It will be quite a day, won't it, when we are all together again. I remember going to a service before Thanksgiving one year.  It was designed for people who were facing the holidays for the first time without a loved one.  It was hard to go to, but it was good to share with others who were remembering a loved one who had died.  The gentleman who spoke to us said that very thing...whether you have been expecting someone to pass or if it's sudden, you're never really ready to let go.

I pray that the God of all comfort will be your strength as you go through these days ahead.

Patricia W Hunter said...

Oh, dear friend...I had a feeling. You've been much too quiet here and I've missed my favorite "Melange". We never quite get over this momentary separation from our mothers. It increases our longing for Heaven, I think. And praise God for that hope. May the God of all comfort hold you and those you love close...and as the world seems out of focus, may you find peace as you focus on our Lord. Know that you are loved and in my prayers.

Bronze8 said...

I am truly so sorry to hear of your loss.
I always loved when you wrote about the love between your Mom and Dad.
Have missed your posts and now I understand why.


Ginny Hartzler said...

I am so very,very sorry. I lost my mom just a few years ago, and it is so hard. We know that they are now happy and have put on  wonderful new bodies, but the pain is for those of us left behind. No matter when it comes, it is a shock. You have never known life without her. My prayers for you will be for the peace of God.

Sarah Whitcomb said...

Oh, Roxanne, I am so sorry for your loss. It is comforting to know you will see her again one day, but at the same time doesn't quite do away with all the pain felt. Like you said, whether expected or not, death is not an easy thing to deal with.  My heart and prayers go out to you and your family.

Peruby Peruby said...

I am so sorry for your loss. It has been over ten years for me since I lost my Mom and sometimes still, while walking or sitting quietly I think of her, something she would laugh at, a dinner she would enjoy. I am hoping your lovely memories help to ease your suffering through this fog of grief.

Sandra Hangey said...

I pray God's comfort and blessings on you and your family. this has touched me to the core of my being, the quotes the scripture and the song. i cried as i sang that song, I have not heard it or sung it for many years and it is an old favorite. thanks for sharing you sorrow with us. 

Betsyfromtennessee said...

Hi There,  Sandra Hangey sent me this post since I am grieving now as well... I lost one of my best childhood friends on Thursday to that dreaded cancer.  I know that she is out of pain and not suffering anymore, and I know that she is in a better place.   BUT--they doesn't keep us here on earth from missing her terribly.  I also lost my sweet mother-in-law on June 6---so it has been a rough summer when talking about death...

Thanks for your inspirational post.  I lost my Mom in 1991--but still miss her.  Life goes on --but we never forget them!  Keep those "Mom Memories" alive...

Hugs and Prayers,

Kenju said...

I hadn't had time to read much the last few days, and I bless Beverly for telling me about your mom. I am so very sorry to hear this, and I know that you and your family must be devastated. Take comfort in knowing that she is no longer in pain.

Vicki said...

Oh, Roxanne- I'm so so sorry to read this news. As in all loving communities Beverly told Judy and Judy told me- I got the news while I was working today at the farmer's market and just now got home to read this. Your mother and father are such a presence here for all these years because you have shared your love for them with us in such beautiful ways. I know that what you give and have given to them, to their care and happiness, has meant that their lives have been longer and healthier and richer. I'm sorry for your loss and my heart goes out to you and Nyssa and your father and brother. I love the gospel hymn and as I read it I could almost hear you all singing. Take care of each other and yourselves. 

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I am so, so sorry for your loss.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Oh My Dear....I am sooooo very sorry to read of your terrible loss.....I send my heaetfelt condolences to you and your dear brother and your very dearest father, too...I know what a close family you all are and I know this is such a painful departure for all of you.....Your faith and the faith of your family will see you through these worst of times---still, the Heart needs time to heal......My Heart and my Thoughts are with you all, in this very tender time......

Credman said...

So sorry to hear that.  We know these days come but never feel prepared.  I lost my dad and my mom is pretty frail at this point.  Blessings to you all.

Cassy said...

I'm so sorry to hear that. May she rest in peace. Yes, there are thing that happened that we dont want to happen. We are all just passing in this world. One day. our Heavenly will get our borrowed life. Our loved ones may go ahead of us and that's life. You have my prayer.

Cassy from Best Way To Learn Guitar

Ramblingwoods said...

Oh I am so sorry to hear this...I wondered how your Mom was doing .... My heart-felt sympathies....hug.. Michelle

Imaginography said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. I can imagine that everything seems very out of focus right now but I'm hoping those wonderful memories you have will slowly bring things back into focus. My heartfelt condolences to you adn your family. Bobkat.

Beverly said...

Thinking of you today, Roxanne.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Just stopping by to tell you I am thinking of you and sending you Healing Hugs at this very sad and painful time...((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

Janet said...

I'm so very sorry to hear about your Mom.  My thoughts are with you and your family.  I hope that hymn provided some small comfort.  Hugs...

Patricia W Hunter said...

Just wanted to stop by and tell you that I miss you and that you are in my frequent thoughts and prayers. 

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Sandra Hangey said...

Hope you are ok, I miss you

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Vicki said...

Roxanne- how are you doing? I think about you most everyday and know that these are sad times around your place. Let us know how you are when you are able. 

Carole Whitehead said...

Roxanne, I am so sorry to read about your mom. Your memories of her are so sweet and you've shared her spirit with us so that we know her. We know how much she loved and that she was loved. My prayers are for you in this sad time.

Carole (remember me from my old blog days)

Ramblingwoods said...

I just wanted you to know that I have been thinking of you and your Dad...hugs..Michelle

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Patricia W Hunter said...

Roxanne (I'm very happy to know your name), I am really missing you and would very much like to know that you are ok. You remain in my thoughts and are in my prayers this morning, dear one. With love, Patricia

Ramblingwoods said...

Stopping by again just to say that I was thinking about you...warm wishes...Michelle

Abby Normal said...

We are hoping you and your family find warmth and comfort as fall begins. Miss your writing!

Purrs from Ms C, Abby & Stygia

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Roxanne....I just wanted to stop by and tell you that I am thinking of you on this first Thanksgiving without your dear dear mother.....I hope it wasn't too sad a day, my dear.....Sending Hugs and Healing thoughts....

Carmi Levy said...

Not a day goes by that I don't wonder why life has to work this way, why loss is such an inevitably core component of our time on this planet.

I don't have the answer, and I suspect I never will. But please know you're never alone, and as long as you hold onto the remarkable memories of a remarkable person who shaped your life and the lives of everyone around you, the loss is never really complete. Two years after losing my father, it's those memories that sustain me, convince me that there is some kind of higher purpose to this process, after all.

May her memory always be a blessing.

Patricia W Hunter said...

Roxanne, still missing you. I'm sure that the holidays were tenderhearted, but praying you've felt the Lord's comfort as you've walked through these days.

Imaginography said...

I just popped by to say that I hope that you are slowly healing. I know Christmas must have been difficult. I miss your posts but I understand that you need time right now so I just wanted to say hello and that you haven't been forgotten.

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Ksgirl61 said...

I haven't read as faithfully as I'd have liked, so when I came to your beautiful site and read about your mother, my heart went out to you.  I'm so very sorry, and I hope that in the months that have passed you have found peace and solace in memories of your life together. 

 I read something once that said:  "A mother is one who can take the place of all others, but whose place no other can take."  We love no one else like Mother...and no one else loves us like Mother.  Pure and simple. Peace and Blessings to you.  I hope you will start posting again soon.    Lori

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Beatrice P. Boyd said...

Hello, I found your blog and ironically learned of your mother's death a year afterwards. But, before noticing the date, I had begun reading backwards from 2005. In the course of a couple of hours, I read all about your family and pets through your posts and photos: Stephen's operatic career, your daughters college and graduate school days, work on your (brother's) home, cousins from Illinois. Then there were the wonderful captures of butterflies, flowers, snow, Williamsburg, Norfolk Gardens. It has been a very enjoyable reading. And, congrats on surviving NYC driving a couple of years ago too. The description of Delmarva and Rte 13 were perfect because you see we are transplants from NJ now living on the VA eastern shore and agree with you about the roadways. However, the NJ Turnpike is not a delight in our humble opinion. You may be taking a beak from the blog world now, but if you should return, please do feel free to stop in to our place for a visit ( or you can contact me through my email address. I do recall the days when "you've got mail" really meant the arrival of a card or letter and still strive to continue that tradition in my non-PC life. And, even if you are not returning to bog posting, thank you for producing a highly readable blog with signs of intelligent life, which seems to be missing from many sites.BTW, the name used for my email ID is the same "Alias" used on our blog; my husband also used one. It's for fun after 2 favorite Boyds bears: Beatrice & Grenville. I always "reveal" my actual name in reply emails. Our 100+ year old Victorian home on the VA eastern shore is named (by us) The Frog & PenguINN and is neither an inn or B&B...a long story there.

jinnoo42 said...

I have not heard it or sung it for many years and it is an old favorite. thanks for sharing you sorrow with us.

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I am so sorry for your loss. Death is not an easy thing to deal with. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family.

Kenju said...

Do you know how badly you are missed? It has been way too long. Please come back to us.

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Lori said...

Roxanne, are you still out there? This is Lori from "Thoughts of Laurel." Trying to reconnect here...and I always enjoyed your writing so much. Miss reading you and hope that everything is ok with you and Nyssa. Please find me - my email is on my blog, (which I haven't written on for some time either.) (My newer email posted here.) Blessings to you...